Life

Adjust. Not an easy task. A scary task. Returning home there is always the fear that what I have experienced will disappear, that I will go back to my normal life, and that I will not have let it change me.

So for the first few days I cling to what is behind, I struggle, I walk numbly through my familiar life, not sure what to feel. Then all to quickly, I adjust and life is "Normal". A cursed word.

 But then a week has passed, and I feel enormous emotion tugging at my heart. What of the people I met? What of the things I saw and did? Will I allow them to mean nothing? Yet I find the most difficult struggle for me is living in what feels like a separate reality. How can such two different worlds exist on one planet? How can I live in this world and remember Africa when it feels like a dream b/c it is so far disconnected from my life in America.
And people ask why, why would anyone want to visit or live in such a place as Africa. Sometimes I cannot help but feel disgusted. I know I ought to have more grace, what people do not understand, they cannot be blamed for. And yet I am disgusted. I am disgusted with America in some ways, with the lifestyle we live, with the fact that we think we "Deserve" the best, that we are entitled to the best life has to offer.

We live in but a bubble of real life, and yet when tragedy hits us, when reality reaches its hand and shakes our little bubble, we dare to ask why. What gives us the right to complain? What gives any human being the right to complain? We deserve nothing. Perhaps I am being unfair to Americans, not all Africans are innocent of this I am sure, but the difference is that in a culture where the people have nothing, they find many things to be grateful for, whereas in a culture where we have everything, we complain constantly, and look down on those who live in such depths of poverty as though there could be nothing worse.
What is a house but bricks or wood? What is food but something to keep us alive, sustain our bodies? What is all of our extravagances except distractions from real people and real relationships? We have become so consumed by things that we have deceived ourselves into thinking that is what makes life good, enjoyable, comfortable.
I fear that even I may have deceived myself. While in Africa I asked myself: 'Could I live here? Without Chick-fil-a and easy internet access, without my creature comforts?' But then I returned home, and I realized that I really didn't miss them that much, because all they are is "things", things that will not make any difference in eternity. My money, my security, my books, my clothes, etc... I have put too much value on those things. God asks us to give all for His kingdom, to help the widows and orphans, to love people, to spread the good news. How can I do those things if my focus is on 'things'? 

Convicting thoughts God has spoken to me. But anyone can know these things, the hard part is what I am asking myself, what will you "do"? Because faith without actions is dead. Words are meaningless without someone to shout them.

The End of a Journey

Time, such a strange concept. As I sat watching the passing scenery on the drive back to the house this evening, I marveled at God’s splendor, how His glory is in the sun streaming through the leaves, in the red dirt, in the smile of a child, God’s splendor is displayed all throughout our world and yet so often we are blind to it.

I fly home tomorrow. The thought confuses me. Where did two weeks go? So much has happened in two weeks, the time has flown and yet it seems like months since I was home or at work, it seems millions of miles away, an eternity. So much life experience in such a short time. So many lives have touched mine in two weeks, I have made new friends, loved on and been loved on by the untouchables of society, and been moved to tears by the stories of people who are living in the center of God’s will and changing the world.

On Sunday we went to church, the market, and then to visit the Massai village. What a sweet time of fellowship.

Monday Molli and I went to the mini-mall and did some shopping, then prepared 100 gifts (toothpaste, toothbrush, and candy tied together with string) for the juvenile prison (Tuesday’s event) while watching a movie. The others had a good time as well on the game drive safari!

Tuesday we went to the juvenile prison- a place not necessarily for child criminals but for children up to 17 who are there because either their parent is in prison, they are waiting for their own trial, or because of minor crimes. While there we watched the Jesus Movie in Swahili, Ron spoke for a few minutes and shared the gospel, then we handed out the gifts. Some of the children were in tears during the movie and when Ron shared the gospel many received Christ. Praise be to Jesus!

We finished off the day at Amani for lunch and a little extra shopping.

Wednesday- we started the morning at a nearby school doing tye-dye, so fun, and the shirts turned out AMAZING!!! Then we took a boda-boda (motorcycle) to Fatima. We arrived at Fatima just in time to help the toddlers eat lunch. After lunch we played and cuddled with the children until their nap. While the children were napping, one of the Sisters gave us a tour of the grounds; they have a farm with cows, pigs, chickens, bunnies (that they eat!!), and guinea pigs. They have lots of housing where many of the nuns live. Also there is a building for elderly ladies. There were only four living there but we met them and spent a few minutes talking to one who was bed-ridden because of a stroke. She used to be a teacher, and despite her disability she had the sweetest and most gracious spirit. When the children woke up we spent a few more hours with them. I spent that time holding a baby- 2 ½ months old- her name- ironic- Alice. Such a sweet baby, she would smile after every sip of her milk, then she fell asleep in my arms for over an hour. Her mother abandoned her but her father comes to visit her and will have custody over her when she is older, but has asked the children’s home to raise her up because he is not able. Another of the children that captured my heart- Dominic- 5 years old and tons of fun, always had a grin on his face; he was sharp and knew a lot of English which is surprising because most of the children don’t speak very much English.

Today we went back to the school to hand out the tye-dye shirts, the kids loved them! Afterwards the children watched the Jesus Movie and ate popcorn, then played games outside.

Next on the agenda was Kibera and Toy Market. At Kibera we visited ‘The Power Women Group’ a group of HIV+ women who are raising awareness in the community about HIV and the importance of knowing your HIV status as well as empowering and enabling women to support themselves.

Tomorrow morning Maria leaves early, the rest of the group is heading the to the Elephant orphanage in the a.m. and then Molli, Jill, Allie, and I head to the airport for our flight home. Prayers would be appreciated, as no one is really feeling well tonight- from colds to allergies to headaches.

Thank you to everyone who has donated and has been praying, we have had an awesome trip- such a blessing, can’t believe it is over.

God bless!!